Compassion For All

Our compassion and concern for our fellow man must go beyond the headline that makes news - we are all part of humanity - so why does one story make more news than another, why is one life more important than another? Because we can relate more? Because it gets more media coverage? Because we display a "that's just their way of life" attitude? Or is it because with a 1st world or western-world city being so violently attacked that we easily can go to a "if it can happen there it can happen here" view? 

Horrific attacks happened in Beirut, Baghdad, and Paris in the same week and yet we hear and see the world talk of Paris. I cannot cast the first stone on this matter as I am equally guilty but the stark reality after reading a well-placed news article has been a wake-up call for me to lift the blinders off the expanse of my everyday compassion and caring and become more reflective of humanity as a whole. 
Week after week people are dying by the tens, hundreds, or thousands because of the darkness and hate that is spread in the name of many reasons, beliefs, or causes. The attacks on mankind are reflected in what happened in Paris but also go beyond Paris. 

I have always considered myself caring and compassionate. I always have believed everyone has the right to dignity and respect, a right to be heard and be listened to, and that no person is meant to be less than or beneath another. And yet, somehow, as one article said, I too have shown in one way or another 'selective grief' for what is happening in our world. 

As long as we make the divides artificially or naturally, as long as we create levels of importance when it comes to life, as long as we are selective in our grief or caring, how can we ever expect to achieve peace? The blinders are lifted and I am seeing the world more broadly for all its beauty and ugliness, its good and its bad, its hate and its love, its darkness and its light. I am truly saddened for all those whose lives were lost or impacted by the horrible events this week in Beirut, Baghdad, and Paris and in other places in the world by those who purport to be doing so out of a perversion of their beliefs. In this week of remembrance - let us do just that - remember. Lest We Forget.

Remembering ALL Those Who Served

We had heard this song before but had not seen the picture compilation video. Hometown Battlefield was written by Nova Scotia singer / songwriter JP Cormier. The video JP put together was with the contributions of the families and friends whose loved ones served in the armed services only to face another battle with the demons who tagged along on their journey home. We need to let those who served know it is not a sign of weakness to ask for help; it does not make them any less a soldier, sailor, or airman. We need to ensure our government puts in place the supports they need - whether it is health care (mental and physical), family support, housing, education, career assistance or retraining. We need to help them chase away the demons or at the least be able to manage them so as to live life fully for themselves and their family. We need to thank them, hold them, be there with them. We need to recognize as a nation that a death by suicide caused by the impact of PTSD should be no less recognized by our country than someone who died in conflict or in carrying out their duties in the armed services. Shame on us as a nation if we fail them after they stood on guard for us. Let us remember ALL service men and women and those who support them and all of those who died at home and abroad because of conflict and those who came home with scars - whether visible or invisible. Lest We Forget.

When The Supports Aren't There, Now What?

Life can be difficult for a youth / young adult. It is a time of many changes for this group. Developing relationships, creating an identity, establishing values, moving from secondary to post-seconadry schools or a vocation, becoming independent - all part of this time of transition.  And it is a difficult time.  It is an even more difficult time when the person is dealing with a mental health issue.  At the age of 18 in many health jurisdictions, youth move into the adult mental health system and leave the supports, the relationships, and the programs behind.  This is also the time that many youth finish secondary school and move to post-secondary studies, often away from home. Having access to systems that continue to support this young adult, a continuity of care, or systems that ensure there are no cracks is crucial. But this is often not the case, especially in most post-secindary institutions where there support is minimal, connection with community groups can be minimal, and wait times are long to just "talk" to someone, all while the schools make it known that they are not in the business of mental health.  BUT what does this mean when they make this as part of their marketing, when they sell it as a feature of the school and it turns out not to be there?  What it means is that post-secondary institutions have some work to do to become integrated within the community resources to ensure that students on the campus have the supports necessary to ensure success.  When this is an age of greatest vulnerability, saying "It's not my job" is not an answer when we think about not what but who is at risk - the student.

The following BLOG post came from Riding The Blue Wave http://ridethebluewave.blogspot.ca/2015/11/when-supports-arent-there-now-what.html

This year we watched as our youngest headed out the door to university.  It was not an easy choice for her, not the leaving home part but about where to go.  Her interests are varied and her program interests ranged from arts to business to science. Every program to which she applied she was accepted. But for her, large universities were not an option.  She finds cities overwhelming and draining. Heading out of the city and into the country adds colour to her face and spark back in her step.  And so it was no surprise that she decided in the end to opt for one of the smaller universities.  We were delighted with her choice as we knew it was a much better fit for her. We knew her anxieties would rage in a larger setting. We toured the University in the spring and met with staff - all of which provided greater affirmation.  They talked to us about being family, caring for students, helping to address issues before they become too much of a problem, the supports that are available, etc. And we drank it all in and left there with her thinking, "Yes, this is where I want to go" even though she would not know anyone.

And here we are, two months into the new school year and I wonder where the actions are to the words that were spoken last spring and whether it was all part of the marketing tool. I have watched as our youngest becomes sadder and more anxious as she struggles to keep up without the education supports that she needs; I hear her frustration as she talks about services of scribes that were not set up for her until AFTER Thanksgiving, even though they were asked for when she first arrived; I hear her anxiety as she talks about having to contact Student Services to arrange the space to write tests and days passing without a response to the email (the only way to contact them on such matters) allowing the anxiety to increase; I hear the angst as she talks about whether she can manage the next 4 years despite loving the school, the program, her residence and new friends; I hear about the lack of listening by Student Services to what the student is trying to say in explaining what the challenges are and what has worked or not in the past; and I see the lack of understanding in the emails or conversations that are had with Student Services and in the failure to ask the student and listen to what they say.

"We don't deal with student supports until classes start."

"If you think it is stressful now, just wait until mid-terms".

"You seemed stressed (after the exasperation of setting up learning accommodations). you should see our counsellors"

 "You can't just drop in here last minute and expect me to do something, you were told what was needed"  (mid-terms and exams were discussed, not tests)

"I don't respond on weekends, you have to send these requests on Monday" (Response by Student  Services to student email sent on Monday for Thursday test; email not responded to until Thursday)

"I don't know what this entails. you will have to go and ask Student Services"(Prof, when student inquired about test-taking and accommodations as Student Services did not explain test taking only mid-term and exams.)

"You are being skeptical, you need to be more open-minded to new things" (Counsellor to student when student tried to explain sound increases anxiety further and therefore music therapy may not be a good option.)

For the thousands of students that have been connected with Student Services over the years, it is astonishing to learn this renowned university has no handbook or online guide or no individual plan that each student is given so as to know where to go and when, other than to email and ask.  It is equally astonishing the responses that come back when questions are asked of the tone and terseness of someone who is burnt out or not suited to the position.

The flag of privacy gets raised more often than the flag of compassion and understanding.  Had the student had a physical illness would the situation be the same? Is the invisible illness also making the student invisible?  Do the parties involved truly understand what emotional fortitude is required just to make it to class, let alone advocate? Is there not an opportunity to have a more team approach to ensuring student success?

As parent, it is hard to sit back and watch, especially from afar.  You can make suggestions, help provide direction, give reassuring words, but in the end it is the student's choice (and rightfully so) of how things need to be handled.  All you can do is hope that they have the skills to manage and that you have prepared them as best as you can.  And here is where reality hits - no matter how well you have prepared them, no matter what skills they have, when mental health issues arise, often asking for help, advocating for themselves can be one of the last things they can do. When they are most vulnerable and need care and understanding or the voice of a person who can advocate on their behalf, that often seems to be what does not happen.

Parents are not suppose to be involved at the university level, and in fairness, nor do the students want that either. And I get that and agree with it.  Having Mom or Dad step in to help never looks good.  But what happens when the student can't advocate?  What happens when anxiety levels are so elevated that the thought of trying to explain what the issues are, what will help. and to have someone listen to them is beyond what the student is capable of? What happens when days pass and the pages remain blank for the assignment or the words are read but not retained because of anxiety, which has led to sadness increasing and near debilitation of the ability to learn? Why isn't there a way for a caring adult to be part of the conversation when needed, (including siblings or friends, not just parents) to raise a flag, make a suggestion?  After all, who often knows the student better at times than their families and friends?

I had hoped the smaller school would be different.  I had hoped it would truly be the family we were told it was back in May.  I just didn't know how dysfunctional a family it would be or maybe it was all just marketing.